Thursday, September 15, 2011

Open Letter to all Racists

I thought at first I wouldn't do this. Everyone's writing one of these. But well, I am in dire need of some traffic to my blog. It's been a long time since I posted something. I'm hungry and I'm impatient. So I'm jumping on the bloody open letter bandwagon. I mean, why not?

This is time when a Southie woman can jump the nerves and dare to crack the balls of every 'Delhi boy' out there which leads to all sorts of rants and realizations with people getting strung and getting high to get back at her and others trying to ape her and getting back at Bong dudes because they're apparently so cheap. Well, here's news. SOMETHING DEEPLY PERSONAL HAPPENED TO THESE FEMALES. One thing that makes me wonder is that why were the first open letter writers all women? I don't know if I'm making a rather sexist comment right now but it's like those particular group of women were either high on LSD or some other shit or were simply PMSing. They needed to get their emotions out and well, that's what the blogs are for, right? Well, I've got something better. They need to seriously sort their shit out. What they need to do is to take some camomile with milk and get a good night's sleep. Maybe two. They're high and pissed and they just need to get over whatever hit them hard. So, to Shahana and the Black Rose Gal in particular, ladies, you need to listen to some soothing music, maybe have some wine if the milk is not to your taste. But what you need is mental stability. I wouldn't mind recommending an anger management course either. I've heard that they work for many people.

If we need to crap some people, why not crap those people who need to be shat upon. Our politicians, for instance. They need such open letters delivered at their residences. A bit of anthrax in the envelopes wouldn't hurt either. Now that's something I would relish with glory. Instead of having Anna fasting and nearly dying, we could give our dear old white kurta and dhoti and topi clad men (and the Italian woman who can barely be seen) a dose of your deep rooted misgivings and anger. Why divide the whole country when you can fuck with those people who are doing it as well? That would not only be beneficial but also really fun to watch. Of course, this bout of open letters has been quite amusing as well. But I've seen an enormous exchange of hate comments and now I'm tired of it. Let's say we move this thing to a bigger podium with harsher and more significant strength and reasons.

Unite, ladies, and the men folk who were very very enraged. Write more open letters. Just don't address them to Madrasis or Delhi-ites or Bongs. I mean, you actually left out so many races. They would be feeling left out. But with politicians, you can't leave out any. You bring one in, they're all in the loop. It's the way their money behaves in all the scams that keep happening.
Seriously, sort your shit out and grow up. Do something useful.

- An amused and (by now) bored INDIAN blogger.


Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Hey, don't indulge Indian politicians in this. They are like a brand new bottle of expensive wine in this case. Innocent!
Though alcohol is injurious, but you cannot blame until the bottle opens.

They haven't yet released any press statements on these blog posts, have they? :P

Blasphemous Aesthete

D2 said...

@Blasphemous Aesthete : I hope they release some press statements on something. I mean, the old blue turban doesn't open his mouth at all. And when he does, the result is a highly soporific moment in time which we would all like to escape. And I'd rather not speak of the others. :D

Miss D said...


I bet Julian Assange would love to do a feature on the "real reason of the outburst" and well, I can't wait to hear about it!

But hey, why would these two fine ladies shit upon politicians unless they, well, broke their hearts?
They have better things to do, like trashing another community, thanks to their choice in men.

Rituparna said...

Nice one. Finally some better perspective.

D2 said...

@Enchanta : Mr Assange is probably sitting back and having a hearty laugh right now. After the whole ruckus with Mayawati, this would be a nice one to spend some time on. I hope Wikileaks doesn't start wasting its valuable time on Shahana's outburst. I'd rather find out what kind of chappals Mayawati ordered from Bombay.

And the women could find their choicest men in the politicians, see. Now they are people who are (supposedly) above race. :P

D2 said...

@Rituparna : Thank you. I do believe some recognition for Shahana is in order. But she got it anyway! :P

Samadrita said...

Well I've now read a lot of rebuttals to that acerbic letter, the best one being that one by Mad Momma. But yours comes close too. Seriously...we should hunt for common enemies to target rather than engage in a mud-slinging match against each other. We're in the same goddamned country here. Well-written!

D2 said...

@Sammy : Exactly. We should all work together and make a big catapult. Then we can pile it up with a humongous amount of mud and shit and throw it at our common enemies. :D

And thank you so much. :D

Subhrashis Adhikari said...

u also gone down the same line? Even HT did:


Snow Leopard said...

:) Yes there are more important things in the world than that post. But till then, we can use it to net a few extra hits for our blogs. :P

D2 said...

@SUB : Yes, yes. I have gone down the road so many traversed previously. I don't mind being a tad bit late either.

@Snow Leopard : I keep watching for the extra hits. :P

Maitreyee Bhattacharjee Chowdhury said...


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